By Susan O’Halloran, MPH

I’ve been taking an informal poll lately among women of differing ages and backgrounds.  I ask the question, “What would you rather have, romance or money”?  To my mild surprise, the majority of women said, MONEY.  Exploring this conversation further led to almost universal agreement that money gives a woman control.  Or at least more control over her future and the decisions she makes than if she didn’t have actual or perceived access to money.   I know, you’re probably thinking, no kidding Sherlock, but hear me out.

Women, more than men, tend to leave their jobs or cut back on work to raise the kids.  By and large, women are happy to do this in the beginning and all is mostly well.  But, fast forward 10 years and even if a woman has been paying the bills and knows exactly where the family money is, women without their own income stream experience some or all of the following to varying degrees:

• A loss of self-worth often tied closely to an income producing job
• Her opinions on how to spend the “family” money have less weight compared to the income producing hubby (or partner) because she doesn’t bring in any $$
• If she doesn’t pay the bills, it’s possible to have NO idea where the money is or isn’t (does she have more than she thinks or less then she thinks?)
• The longer she doesn’t work, the more her self-confidence about her ability to work outside the home suffers
• In the event of a divorce or death of a spouse or partner, a woman is extremely vulnerable

Why do we let ourselves evolve to this state?  I think for most, it is just like evolution. It happens slowly over time until suddenly you realize, wow – How did I get here?  That loss of control and decision making over finances can really put a damper on the ability of a woman to set goals and then adjust spending, saving etc. to achieve those goals.

How can we turn this around?  Here are a few suggestions and we welcome other ideas:

• Keep up your skills on a part-time basis if possible
• Remember, being head of the PTA or running the school Book Fair are HUGE UNPAID JOBS…write it up like you are the CEO of a company or BIG special event organizer because that’s what these jobs are and you mustn’t sell yourself short
• Talk to your spouse or partner about how to level the playing field. Get help from a financial planner (even one session can help) to keep feelings of defensiveness out of the equation
• Keep track of your expenses so you have the information you need to make decisions going forward.  It’s hard to discuss money in a vacuum. Priorities about spending also need to be agreed upon

Good Luck and let us hear from you.  Let us know your tips for keeping a healthy relationship with money!

Written by:  Susan O’Halloran, MPH.  Susan is Founder and President of Here’s to Life Now! a healthy living company offering the “Plan it. Do it. Be it. System for Lifestyle Change and Stress Management” to companies, health plans and professional groups nationwide.  In addition, Here’s to Life Now! has an online network of traditional and complementary health care practitioners that provide expert advice and services locally and nationally.

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Tagged: Budgeting , financial planning , Money , money management , retirement , self-worth , women